Any way you slice it we know there is something particularly unique about how music blends with one’s own sexuality. With the right music touching you and your lover, most of us have the ability to make sex feel as incredible and freedom-bending as the best stories we hear from our confidants. Using music, sex is all about starting to make decisions that will invoke something new in our hearts, minds, and bodies to remember for the rest of our lives. There is always more of a reason to enjoy yourself with every musically sexual outing.
Music tends to be the deciding factor in many sexual encounters. Whether it’s chosen by yourself or one of your lovers, the belief is that the right song will transport you to a new place. The beats can be soft and luxurious or the tones could be crazy, wild, and independent. Either way, you’re going to find yourself heading somewhere new at the push of the play button.
Step 1: Sensuous Music
Before even beginning with anything sex-related, the right music is always the first choice when “setting the mood.” If you can choose that mood appropriately, you can begin to build up something more open and sensuous with your lover.
Consider seducing someone that loves funk music from the early 1980s. Whatever their age might be, the music you add during your opening chances to interact with them will eventually season every future encounter. You could be opening a bottle of wine to Move Me No Mountain by Chaka Khan, feed them cheese and Grapes to Turn Your Love Around by George Benson and opening up their entire evening with Love T.K.O. by Teddy Pendergrass, the only funk maestro we know to have had musical shows for exclusive groups of women.
If you have a potential partner that adores peaks and valleys of a more classical soundtrack, you could put on your own soothing Spotify playlist. Something that adds the musical colors you want them to think about and set the proper tone of your evening. Build something filled with classical sounds written 200 years ago and new combinations of the work being written right now. There are so many different musicians still dragging their pianos across todays musical topography and being sure to leave as little left as possible over the areas they inspire.
Create the sensuousness you can remember from this attempt that will take you directly into the next one. What is the most sensuous music to you? How can you build on that for a new lover or one you’ve been with for a time? What’s next?
Step 2: Sexual Music
For many of us, the musical element of sexuality is often the most well remembered part of the entire sexual package. As musicologist Ted Gioia once said on the Conversations With Tyler Podcast:
"But number three on people’s list — when you interview them — is the music because they understand the music is going to seal the deal. If there’s going to be something really romantic, that music is essential.”
Number one is the place.
Number two is the dinner.
Number three is “what the hell do I play?”
Obviously, this is a bit more difficult to think about and write about, but for me, the most important aspect of the sexual part of music is whether or not you can move to it effectively. For someone close to 70 like Ted Gioia, that meant letting Frank Sinatra take on the heavy act of sexual lifting saying "[But] I would think that if you were a seducer, you would want something that was romantic on the surface but very sexualized right below that, and no one was better at these multilayered interpretations of lyrics than Frank Sinatra.”
Mr. Gioia might be right, and that’s certainly great for him, but in this world where there are 60,000 new songs being uploaded to streaming platforms every day, there is almost too much music to work through. For those of us that really love and develop our appreciation of new and unique sounds, it can be fun to find or make that playlist or classic album that really outlines the kind of time we want to have. Whether we play classical music, Frank Sinatra, or the most well-known hits of the Spice Girls, I would still say the best music is the music you can move to at the moment.
Step 3: The Aftermath
Finally, the last piece of advice I have is to take the aftermath seriously. There’s no reason to ask how it was or how well you played unless your lover brings it up first. Take their advice on how to please them and use the music they've helped you put together by being themselves. If you’re going to bring your partner to Pleasure Canyon in the livest part of town, make sure every sexual encounter you have is always working to get to this moment. When you make it to the aftermath, pretend you’ve been there before, relax your mind, and let your conscience be free.
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